Cheap Casino Hotels in Issaquah Hotwire

Destination: Washington

Take I5 South to I90, take I90 East to Issaquah, get off at the Sunset exit and drive down the hill. Stop in at Sunset, get a beer. Pay a 25 dollar service charge for the beer and get in an argument about tipping with the waitress that lives in an imaginary universe where she makes seven figures and controls acres of Redmond for some land baron in Redmond. Leave the bar and get back in your car and drive back up Sunset and get back on I90.
Drive up to Snoqulamie and stop in at Steve's donuts, the best donuts on Earth, and find out they closed early again. Walk over to Starbucks and order a shitty Top Pot donut and a coffee and stand outside hiding behind signs for tacos, smoking. Passerbys will comment on the smell so really get deep behind that sign. Get back in your car and get on I90 East.
Stop in at the casino and lose 200 dollars fast playing slot machines that make no sense. You get three pies and a giraffe and you win 30 bucks. You get four pies and you lose all your money. You stop and ask an attendant how to play the game and they shrug and ask you if you've heard about their rewards program. You tell her that you are already part of like 20 rewards programs and you have no rewards program space in your wallet for their rewards. You sneeze and she hands you a Burger King bag. You get back in your car and you head up the street to the smoke shop and buy a carton of cigarettes and gas up for cheap wondering if you are somehow breaking that old law they used to enforce about it being illegal to buy smokes at the reservation. Then you wonder if "reservation" is still politically correct and then you blow your nose into a Burger King bag.
You get back on I90 and head back West. It's been snowing like a bitch everywhere and there's no way you're going over the mountains with whatever Ice Climber type game it has in store for you. You remember when you used to go skiing and wonder if you ever will again. Then you think about how it's mainly just being on chair lifts, I mean like 80% of it, and you decide you don't care. Some woman pulls into your lane and sends you into the rails, but you pull back in time and then spend seconds, long seconds, trying to right the car. You get off at Island Crest and head to the Roanoke. There's no parking again, so you park at the VFW, but some nut Qanon guy is in the parking lot taking hostages and you back out slowly and park in some rich guy's lawn. The rich guy has been waiting for this moment his whole life and "I'm STANDING MY GROUND" as he shoots buckshot at your Acura or Prelude forgot what the hell you drive by now, I mean it's all just been an endless pile of rolling black steel anyway....
You head back to Island Crest and turn right and head back to Seattle. You get off on 5, then James and then turn right to sit in traffic for an hour an a half on first. You pass the Lusty and wonder why the hell it closed when the Four Seasons never really exactly took the property like you were told and you think of that time you saw the lactating old lady shooting milk at the windows of the peep shows and hearing some mad homeless man howl in the booth next to you. It took you a week to get an erection after that one. Up the street is Pike Place and you try to pay 20 bucks to park, but some homeless dude stops you and tells you he already paid for a spot and if you give him 15 bucks, you'll be saving money. The story doesn't add up and you tell him politely that you just want to pay yourself and he starts getting pushy and you say Fuck it and get back in the car. You wait for the homeless man to leave and then you sneak up to the payment machine and pay. You run across the street and get a beignet at some French bakery and decide to stroll down to the head shop to buy a mushroom kit. One mushroom kit later you're walking through fruit stands with spores and a giant bag of bull shit. Like not metaphorically, but real life bull shit that comes out of a bull. You get back in your car and pause to think about buying crack from the homeless guy in the parking lot, but then you're an old man now and you don't do crack. Or do you? Shit, I don't know you.
Back in the car without crack, you head back down first and realize you have no idea how to get on I90 from there. Eventually, you end up in West Seattle and stop for a Fatburger. Fatburger kind of sucks now, so you order a large bucket of gin and a straw. It hasn't been a long day, but you have another ten hours before you can fall asleep without feeling like you're now elderly. The gin leaves a bad taste in your mouth and you realize you're probably too drunk to fly a plane. Definitely too drunk to drive a forklift in a small warehouse. And, yes, way too drunk to host a benefit concert. But you can probably drive. You get in the car and peel out in front of Fat Burger in front of these women that are hot, but 40 year old hot. Not like 20s hot. You contemplate the fact that you no longer are into young chicks and wonder if this is a good or bad thing. The way your day is going, it's probably a bad thing, so you beam a large smile at a 20 year old woman walking by and crash the car into the public bathrooms.
It's a good thing it wasn't summer, or the beach would be littered with cops. You thank God and put the car in reverse and hit two seagulls on the way back out to the street. Everyone on the beach is staring at you and at least three tough guys are chasing your car down Alki. You gun it and stop hard at a crosswalk where a family is crossing the street. You think about stopping the whole getaway - but then think "What did I really do?" Then you answer with "Oh, the gin!" And then gun the car. The tough guys get on motorcycles and chase you down the street. They all have cell phones out, so cops have been called. You realize they must have your license plate. You think about ditching the car and claiming it was stolen. You try to figure out what minority group America hates most now a days so you can pin it on them. Then you realize America hates everyone these days and think wiser.
The airbags pop. You hit a cop car coming the other way.
As you leave this world you think "Who will grow my mushrooms?"
submitted by levilarrington to DestinationWa [link] [comments]

Retarded Trumpshrooms

It had been awhile since I took mushrooms - about a year exactly. In fact, it was a year. Damn. There may be truth to the idea that mushrooms are actually sentient beings trying to communicate with us...but I digress.
It was a gathering of old high school chums. One had driven up from...shit. I forget the name. know, down there. Fuck. OREGON! Yes, that place. He had driven up for something for his kid or something. Point is - he was in town and it was an excuse to get the old gang together before we all die of dick cancer.
The idea was to meet up at the H and H in Issaquah and go bar hopping from there. But then we took shrooms and never left the place. The H and H is a dive bar that turns into a gay bar after ten. I don't really think it's a gay bar, but I think there's a group of people that are all gay that happen to hang out there after 10 on Saturdays. Because the bar is so small, that makes it a gay bar after 10. It's very involved.
Well, we started at my place first. It was me and Dick Burger and Vaginal Cramp (Christian names). Vaginal Cramp was coming down from Everett and was late as usual. However, he promised us micro doses of mushrooms or LSD or Mad Cow Disease. We really couldn't be sure as he was probably high when he was explaining all of this. I had my reservations: I had just watched the movie Mandy about motorcycle gangs that turn into Centobites after taking bad acid, and Vaginal Cramp is a huge Trump supporter and Roger Stone had just been arrested and Trump lost his wall and I happened to be a liberal on Saturday and he could very well try to poison me. I didn't want to be poisoned. So, I let Dick Burger take a dose and watched the results. After an hour of Dick Burger and Vaginal Cramp talking about how great Teslas were and how there's really no difference between Democrats and Republicans I decided the drugs were going to work in the way you want drugs to work: make you retarded.
I took a pinch of the moldy shrooms that had been in Vaginal Cramp's freezer for a good two years. The results were outstanding - I suddenly wanted to become a Scientologist. And explain the meaning of the album The Wall. And, yes, I wanted to subscribe to seattle or even seattlewa. I was on my way to becoming fully retarded.
Even more so.
We walked down to the bar, as we are adults and would never drive under the influence of mushrooms, AK47 sativa, Bitburgers, and a caramel fudge edible I found under my stove. Plus Vaginal Cramp got into my Makers. The walk down went well. I saw no alien bikers or Tom Cruise auditors.
At the bar, Gila Asshole (guy from Oregon) had been waiting for over an hour and no one had shown up. Apparently, Vaginal Cramp, Dick Burger and I had lost track of time or lost time completely. I remember thinking "How did we fit five beers into an hour" at one point and maybe this answered my question. Gila Asshole was doing well. I talked to him for a couple of minutes and then Tramp Monkey texted and let me know that he was coming down. About that time Ferret Fucker and Captain Long Johns arrived. Followed by Herpes Threat and Windbag. I drank a beer and walked out of the bar to get a smoke. As I did, I realized I could barely feel my legs and began worrying that they would quickly flop out from under me leaving me in a pool of my own stomach. But I pushed the thought away and got a Makers and soda.
The next thing I knew I was trying to convince people to join my Sport Coat of the Month club. It was an ingenious new company I created in my head while out smoking. A sport coat a month at only 10 dollars a month. I would have a seminar and bilk investors out of their money as they pyramided my money up and up and up to me. But no one was buying in. In fact, they thought I was joking. Even though I was wearing a sport coat. I couldn't win with these guys and gave up the pursuit. Then I went and talked to Tramp Monkey. He was a fervent Trump supporter and I was greased up the brain enough to bait him. His answer to every question was "THE WALL!" his eyes got big and wide as he talked about it and he began shaking. This scared the CRAP out of me, but I kept on going. I wanted to see if he would drop his flesh suit and slither out onto the table and try to mate with Vaginal Cramp. But he didn't. He just got more and more forceful. He began dodging questions. Pretty soon I was on the table shouting at him WHERE DO YOU GET YOUR NEWS FROM! BREITBART? FOX!? TELL ME! I MUST KNOW! But he wouldn't tell me.
I went out to smoke and began wondering if there was a secret cabal of Trump supporters that meet and feed off some vine of knowledge unknown to us. Some Burroughslike vein of thick black semen that feeds their minds and turns them into intellectual yogurt. Or was I wrong? Was I the one hooked to a mainline of CNN and Hillary Clinton? Could I be viewing the world from a mirror? Was Black Panther really that good?
Of course not.
I returned to find Tramp Monkey flipping through Bagels and Coffee girls absently, like he didn't just almost jump out of his own skin and try to strangle me with his own intestines. It was odd. I went out for another cigarette with Vaginal Cramps and Dick Burger. We ate some more mushrooms and smoked some more AK47. Then, this hellish creature arrived from the butcher next door and told us that we were smoking dope too close to the bar and that we should move away. We thanked him for being an absolutely solid soldier for the H and H bar. What a guy! Back inside, the same man approached Dick Burger and explained that he just wanted to protect the bar so that they wouldn't get into trouble. Dick Burger thanked him. Then the guy said "No problem. You want some blow?" Dick Burger did not want some blow. None of us wanted blow. We are over 40 and cherish sleep like the desert cherishes the rain. Back outside, this same guy (let's call him Trouser Beard) began telling me that I looked like this one guy from a movie. Pretty soon he fell on Brent Spiner when he was an old man in this one Star Trek movie. Then Trouser Beard wanted to know if I was a Trekkie. When I asked why Brent Spiner, he replied "Because you have gray hair". Then he went on to tell me I looked like another old man in the movie Hook. Then a dude in Princess Bride. I asked, was he an old man? Why, yes. Apparently, I just look fucking old. This is nothing you want to be told while using drugs that only 19 year olds use.
Back in the bar, Dick Burger and Gila Asshole were fighting about global warming. Gila Asshole had enough and left. Then everyone went to the casino. Or maybe nobody. I was out in the back smoking and being told I looked like Ben Kenobi in the first Star Wars where he was, you guessed it - old.
We walked home and took more mushrooms and watched Mandy. Vaginal Cramp, a devout Christian but for the mushrooms, alcohol, lsd, became scared by the pagan idolatry and that whole thing fell apart. We made enchiladas and everyone Uber'd home.
Let this be a lesson:
The entire night was retarded.
submitted by levilarrington to DestinationWa [link] [comments]

Snow at Corporate

As I write to you today, dear reader, the snow has started to fall once again. Unlike yesterday's snow, this snow is equipped with strong winds, or "gusts" as the Scandinavians like to call them. Behind me, a coworker roasts a pot of strong soup he will devour in preparation for hopefully leaving this cruel Help Desk at Dick's Drive Thru Corporate where I have decided to take up shop.
Yes, after my brief stints at Amazon, Starbucks, Nordstrom, Costco, and Eddie Bauer I'm reduced to Dick's. I told you of my many other enterprises in recent reran posts, but this may be the worst. I have just finished three months of training in various Dick's restaurants in the area and am now a technical expert in all things Dick.
You have a fryer that's not working? A cash register that's not taking EBT? You call me and I'll get you the help you need, which is normally me ordering you a new one of whatever it is through the Parts Department because I'm not about to spend my cream writing days troubleshooting a rat in the tartar foils.
Yes, tartar foils are a thing.
Why do I lament my new office job? I hate my coworkers. I just mentioned the one who is boiling pots of stew constantly in an effort to lose weight - that's right, this man has given up carbs in trade for sodium. He's had eleven heart attacks since I've been on the job and I haven't been on the job with him for more than a month. I now know how to use the paddles they place near the lactation room to revive my soup eating coworker.
Can you imagine an office that smells like barley and turnips continually? Of course not, you don't have a Russian dude with a cauldron of potatoes sitting behind you. Then there's the others: the ones that don't have goofy soup cauldrons, but are just as irritating. I won't go into it, but let's just say I have three pending #METOO cases open with three or four different sexes and orientations because I like to watch Police Academy movies.
Or so it would seem.
But back to the snow. I want to be your Johnny on the Spot reporter for snow, and I can tell you this: it is snowy and windy in Toledo, WA where Dick's headquarters is located in an old Nike missile silo under Mrs. Beasley's. How do I know being a 100 or more feet underground?
I smoke.
But what does that really tell you? It was snowing in Issaquah yesterday when there wasn't a flake anywhere else.
In fact, WSDOT called it literal blizzard conditions. I drove home in that mess. How was I driving home from Toledo at noon in Issaquah? I worked from home. Specifically, the casino in Snoqualmie. I kept telling people how bad it was snowing and no one believed me. Luckily, I have a camera phone. One car accident later, I had detailed proof for my employer on the state of the roads in Issaquah: fucked.
I was almost 100% that there would be no work today either, until I woke up. It seems I could miraculously drive on the sheet of ice in my condos once I saw that no other coworkers had emailed saying they were staying home. I braved the long drive to Toledo in substantially less snowy conditions than the day before: no snow whatsoever.
The bastard snow had not come to Toledo and I was forced to work with leftovers from a Dickens novel. In fact, one of them is hanging clothing above my desk as I type, asking me "Is that work?"
It's hard times when unemployment is down, but all the jobs are cruel tests of one's olfactory systems.
I pledge to grin and bear the office for as long as the roads don't turn white like a GOP rally. But once I see the white of the snow icing the streets, I will flee like a - and what is that I'm hearing? People are leaving! Yes, people are declaring themselves off now! Yes, I believe I just heard that a woman is leaving because it was snowing before, but now it's not. Or is now or was then and will tonight or some wind thing. Possibly a nuclear detonation. I cannot make out the gist of why this woman is leaving but it has fuck all to do with core hours and the like. It's off to the window to see!
Ta ta!
submitted by levilarrington to DestinationWa [link] [comments]

Destination: The Destination That Started It All!

I have been living in the Seattle area since 1979. Having said that, your first rule of thumb when living in Seattle is to lie about how long you have lived here.
There you are - you're established. Now you need some obscure lingo to drive the point home that you are a native. Here's some buzz words and names: Duwamish, The Wheedle on the Needle, Wayne Cody, Downtown Freddie Brown, etc. You can find a plethora of lost Seattle names, terms, etc. at any Lynnwood Garage Sale.
Terms to avoid: Dick's, Beth's, Olympia or Rainier beer, and any espresso company. These are dead give aways that you are trying too hard. Stick with the old lumber - like Jafco, Payless, and Wigwam.
Example: I moved here in 1982. I can remember seeing Wayne Cody in Payless buying adult diapers and a case of beer.
Once you craft a good story you can avoid the abuse of "native" Seattlites. There's like five.
Moving right along, you'll want to familiarize yourself with the Puget Sound area. Looks like it's Olympia to Everettish and Bremertonish to Redmondish. That's a big area. We don't really have the time to go town to town, but we'll hit the bigger areas.
Olympia: this is a great place to stop and get breakfast on your way home from Ocean Shores or Oregon. This is the only reason to go to Olympia. Oh, and a liberal arts college. Those are the two things Olympia is good for. Oh, and being in a girl band. Apparently there's some governmental apparatus down there, but I didn't finish the brochure in the Denny's.
Between Olympia and Tacoma: This is the area where there is nothing. Back in the 1800s, people built Olympia and then said "the hell with building any more liberal arts colleges" and moved North skipping most of the swamps and the bogs on the way until they got bored and built one of the biggest military bases in the country. So, you can just shut your eyes from Olympia to Tacoma. You won't miss anything.
Tacoma: BUZZ WORD ALERT: Tacoma aroma. This will get you mad street cred as well. A hub of (another buzz word) PULP AND PAPER, Tacoma boasts a smell somewhere between that patch of 405 near Renton and that weird hops and coffee smell near the old Rainier building. They also have a glass museum that one guy opened....has a patch, smells like Tacoma, beats kittens....that one guy.
Fife: Imagine Blade Runner with no technology - just dilapidated warehouses and smoke. Add meth users and casinos.
Federal Way: Home of the Green River Killer. Federal Way boasts a mall, the ruins of Weyerhaeuser, and a ton of small lakes. BUZZ WORD: PJ Pockets: a pool hall you could really get shot in.
Auburn: Auburn is Seattle's answer to Mama's Family. Let's say you love the rural south, but pine for Native American culture: look no further than Auburn. INSIDER TIP: Cheap entertainment can be had by going to the burn pit at the firework stand on the reservation. It's like a new installment of Jackass.
Kent: Kent has been the whipping boy for South Seattle for many years. Sure there's more AA meetings than people and sure even the Mormons in Kent are on meth, but make no mistake...I forgot what I was going to say. BUZZWORD: Caveman BBQ.
Renton: Imagine a Vape store. Now imagine people living in that Vape store. Then put a small shopping center in there and a pro sports team's training facility. Now imagine everyone is shoplifting. That's Renton.
Sea Tac: The only reason to go to Sea Tac is 13 Coins. The food has gone down hill a bit, but the ambiance is still there. Oh, wait. The airport is in Sea Tac. TIP: They have rejuvenation rooms in the C terminal to get the smell of Sea Tac off of you before you leave. Also, Sea Tac boasts 20 hand job parlors for every man in Auburn.
Algona: Only exists on maps. Right under the dragon and the legend.
Pacific: The closest body of water to "Pacific" is the 32 ounce coke you can buy at the Arco.
Sumner: My buddy's dad had a Chinese restaurant out here. That's all I know about Sumner.
Des Moines: Close your eyes, hold your nose and run as fast as you can to Redondo.
Covington: Once you go Covington you never go back: Covington boasts the epicenter of casual dining (Red Robin, etc.) and complications from diabetes and heart disease will leave you stationary.
Maple Valley: This is a swell place to raise a family...with the other 23 million people raising families in this area. Honestly, this town would make a chicken farm blush. I had a friend who lived here and his porch was his neighbor's bedroom.
Kennydale: You know that place where you can stand in four or five states at the same time? Well, you can stand in 20 tax brackets in Kennydale.
Factoria: Goldberg's is good. There's a DMV. You can also see hookers in their natural environment at Nordstrom Rack.
Issaquah: Issaquah is Seattle's playground. You get the same pretentiousness coupled with an REI, a trail network, a lake, and GASTROPUBS! GASTROPUBS! GASTROPUBS! TRIVIA: Ted Bundy killed a bunch of people here.
Newcastle: For one reason or another I know that New Castle has the largest population of South Africans. Hey, remember that Lethal Weapon with the bad guy South Africans? Um...oh, I know! One of the best views is at Newcastle golf course. You can see all the way to Seattle. First best? Top of Issaquah Highlands. I should have mentioned that in the Issaquah part. Anyway, that was an awesome Lethal Weapon.
Redmond: Home of Microsoft and three months of The Steve Miller Band playing at Marymoor. There's also a Wholefoods.
Woodinville: One big D.U.I.
Bellevue: There's a mall.
Mercer Island: Rich people and (BUZZWORD) ROANOKE INN. I think Steve Jobs lived here. Oh, wait. No, it's Paul Allen. Or is it?
Seattle: There's a space needle.
Kirkland: Um...
Everett: Exactly like Fife if everyone in Fife thought it was 1982 and had never left the city to find out otherwise.
Bothel: also goes by the name Burien.
Those are some of Puget Sound's hot spots. But how can you live in this area?
First! Have money. The average studio apartment in Seattle runs one coca a month. That's the net worth of one cocaine plantation. As you move South and North the price goes down, but East and West you'll be dealing with much the same market.
Bring a tent! It's no secret that you can live for free in Seattle with the use of a tent. Just pitch your tent wherever and BUILD BUILD BUILD! That's one thing Amazon and the homeless have in common!
Know the language: I've supplied you with a few buzz words to get you by, but only you can sell it. I recommend watching Alice in Chains or Nirvana Unplugged and edit out the music. That nasal drip voice speaks volumes when you use it to order tea or heroin at your favorite coffee shop.
The Locks. I don't remember what The Locks are, I don't know what they do, and I don't want to know. However, once you tell out of towners to visit them and hear about how boring they are, you are officially a Seattlite.
The Space Needle: 20 dollars for THIS?
Five Point: Trendy? Probably. Worth it? Most definitely.
The Monorail: How long does it take to get from the Space Needle to WE'RE HERE Westlake on the monorail?
EMP: Oompa Loompa Ooompala Dee see Paul Allen's garage for a nominal fee!
The Flight Museum: This is the best museum ever. I can't tell you how amazing this...I've never been there.
Eddie Vedder: Lives in West Seattle. He's out playing drums in front of Duke's on Tuesdays.
Kurt Cobain: Check out his old house and exchange totally embarrassed looks with other 40 year olds that still live with their parents.
Jimmy Hendrix: You have to go to Renton. See RENTON.
Politics: if you can hold it in your hand it can be composted.
Well, that's a rough guide for the novice. Thanks and Keep Clam!
P.S. You can buy pot!
submitted by levilarrington to DestinationWa [link] [comments]

Destination: Snoqualmie

Stuart Ullman: Four presidents, movie stars...
Wendy Torrance: Royalty?
Stuart Ullman: All the best people.The Shining
I would imagine the biggest problem you're going to have with Snoqualmie is not ending up at the ski resort. There is nothing worse than going to see The Falls and ending up saying "fuck it" and renting ski gear because you drove too far east.
Snoqualmie has grown by leaps and bounds since the mid 90s when land was portioned out to create Snoqualmie Ridge. Later, Snoqualmie Casino would join Snoqualmie Ridge in helping to absolutely bottleneck, block, and fuck forever the exit to Highway 18 off 90.
But before all this, Snoqulamie was known mostly for Snoqualmie Falls. Snoqualmie Falls has been around since whenever some glacier decided to head north and go buy 222s in Canada. The Salish Lodge Resort has been around since 1919:
Stuart Ullman: When the place was built in 1919, there was very little interest in winter sports. And this site was chosen for The Falls and the scenic beauty.
Jack Torrance: [laughs] Well, it's certainly got plenty of that.
Stuart Ullman: ...The winters can be fantastically cruel. You get rain, then rain, then more rain, then snow. Then you get snow that looks like you can drive on it, but you can't because this is Seattle and no one can drive in snow, so you get in a car crash trying to get to work and spill coffee all over yourself.
Jack Torrance: Well, that sounds fine to me.
Stuart Ullman: Don't be a prick - it sucks. The rain - I mean, it just doesn't stop! Plus the tremendous isolation of living on Snoqualmie Ridge - every home looks the same! It starts making you feel like everyone lives in the same home and therefore are all one. Total isolation.
Jack Torrance: Well, that just happens to be exactly what I'm looking for. I'm outlining a new writing project and, uh, five months of peace is just what I want.
Stuart Ullman: You're really pissing me off. Look. See the rain??? It's a fucking nightmare. I hate this spooky place. Did you see Twin Peaks?
Jack Torrance: Not for me.
Stuart Ullman: C'mon - everyone's seen it. At least once. Well, it was fucking filmed here. Get out while you can. You're family will hate it.
Jack Torrance: They'll love it.
Stuart Ullman: I hate you.
Yes, the area can be rainy and with all the trees it is a bit dark and spooky, but the Lodge boasts some of the most expensive meals and hotel rooms in the entire state! They used to have gift cards discounted at Costco - and it still costed about a grand to stay there. Jesus, it was expensive. But you don't have to stay there, you can just visit and take a look at the Falls. I'm not a big pancake guy, but Snoqualmie Falls Lodge Pancake mix is apparently amazing. You used to not be able to get it outside of the Falls, but...yep, it's online. There's also a hiking trail you can take from the top of the falls to the bottom. And, yes, the lodge and falls are the exterior for the hotel in Twin Peaks. Before The Ridge and the Casino, The Falls was the only reason I can remember to go to Snoqualmie. In fact, I hardly even remember anyone calling anything besides The Falls and the Pass Snoqualmie, before the Casino. I didn't even know it was a town.
But there was a a town. And it's pretty cool.
The Ridge however...
The Ridge can be expressed perfectly by a PIL song, No Birds:
This could be heaven
Shallow spreads of ordered lawns
I like the illusion, illusion of privacy
The careful trees blending so perfectly
Bland planned idle luxury
Life in lovely allotted slots
A token nice, a nice constitution
A layered mass of subtle props
This could be heaven
Mild mannered mews
Well intentioned rules to dignify a daily code
Lawful order standard views
This could be heaven
Up on the Ridge ( you can find quality dining, shopping, and even a PGA golf course that hosts the Boeing Classic (golf thing, not the thing where they lay people off every year).
Leave your cares behind as you shop at the grocery store...the eyeglass store....and something called "Great Clips".
Indulge your palette with Taco Del Mar (barely food), Ana's Mexican (I couldn't see a bar from the window so I didn't go in), and Finaughty's. Finaughty's is actually good. And it's the closest you'll get to night life at The Ridge. The Ridge is total burbs, so I was surprised to see falling down, puking drunk chicks on a weeknight. Quite a few times. But don't get me wrong - it's a family restaurant until a band starts playing. Last time I was in there they had pull tabs. Great place. There's also an assortment of independent donut, burger, and sandwich shops which I haven't been in but haven't really heard anything good about. Behind all that is just one giant neighborhood full of houses that look exactly the same and are packed way too close together. I had a friend who walked out to get his mail and when he went back inside, he realized he was in his neighbor's house. There's also bears. I shit you not. A friend went up looking for a house there once and ran into an elderly Japanese couple. My friend asked them "How do you like living up here?" The man stopped, stared at my friend and exclaimed "BEARS!!!!" True story. Another buddy lived up there and it was routine to have bears go through your trash on garbage day.
Point is: you will be killed by bears if you try to live in Snoqualmie.
Wendy Torrance: I just wanna go back to my room!
Bear: Why?
Wendy Torrance: Well, I'm very confused, and I just need time to think things over!
Bear: Can I eat this lettuce with diapers on it?
Wendy Torrance: Please! Don't hurt me!
Bear: I'm not gonna hurt you.
Wendy Torrance: Stay away from me!
Bear: Boy, I could use some honey.
Wendy Torrance: Stay away from me! Don't hurt me!
Bear: Christ, these houses all look the same.
Then there's the casino. If you've read the other Destination "pieces", you'll know that I've already gone into great length at what you'll find at a casino. However, I will mention that Snoqualmie actually gets good comedy and musical acts...if you're 40 like me. For instance, Norm MacDonald will be there in November and Ringo Starr will also be up there soon. I mean, it's not the Arcade Fires or the...I had to Google biggest bands right now. I think the Arcade Fires are even like 50 years old. Anyway, the point is: there's entertainment that's not bad.
One thing that ticks me off about that casino is that at one time there was a big dance floonight club. I don't miss the dancing, but I miss the fact that you could walk through the nightclub and go out on the deck. It's an amazing view of rolling hills and John Denver stuff. Oh, well.
If you're a total moron and want to get lung cancer, there's a smoke shop with cigs at about seven bucks a pack. That's a discount compared to the Issaquah Safeway where they're like 15. Keep in mind, smokers always exaggerate cigarette prices, which now run 20 a pack.
The funny thing about the smoke shop is for the first three months they were operating a drive thru liquor store. I swear. I went up there getting smokes and they were handing bottles of vodka out the drive thru windows. Finally, I had a reason to buy a bottle of booze and they told me they had to stop doing it. But for about three months in....2009???.....there was a drive thru liquor store in Washington.
Snoqualmie Casino: Hello, Danny. Come and play with us. Come and play with us, Danny. Forever... and ever... and ever.
As The Ridge is quasi corporate housing and Stepford Wives, the downtown area of Snoqualmie (the old town) is actually like a neighborhood of people who know each other and grew up together. In fact, I'd say Issaquah still has those elements, Snoqualmie definitely does, and North Bend really does. It'll all come to an end. But the closer you get to North Bend, the closer you will get to a bar that everyone knows your name.
By the way, anyone see Cliff Claven in those PSE ads? He lives here. Probably in North Bend.
In, what I call, Old Town (base of Snoqualmie Ridge), you'll find Snoqualmie Taphouse. I'm sure you've run into Wildcat IPA here and there and this is where it comes from. I'm not a big fan of the beer, but the food is really good. Pizza and sandwiches. Great place to go on the way back from Skiing or Hiking. There's also nothing like watching people come out of there loaded and realizing that it's across the street from the police station. Around the corner is Mt. Si Brewing Supply where you can buy all your brewing tools you'll never, ever, never in a million years use.
There's also a Brewfest each year...or's been awhile.
There's a number of other shops, restaurants, dunno if the bowling alley is still operating....along the railroad tracks down in Snoqualmie. Of course, if you follow the tracks north you'll be at The Falls.
All in all, I look forward to the comments as I'm pretty pedestrian with this city and it has a lot of old school color and charm. Much like Kent and Renton, it's hard to tell where Snoqualmie ends and North Bend begins....but honestly, I would skip The Ridge area (barring Finaughty's) and head downtown.
Delbert Grady: I and others have come to a belief, that your heart is not in this. That you don't have the belly for it.
submitted by levilarrington to DestinationWa [link] [comments]

Vegas Day One

I just want to start by stating that that Stormy Daniels lie detector picture looks like she's riding on Splash Mountain. Given the President's love of cola and cheeseburgers, that splash probably produced zero fertilizer.
I just got back from Las Vegas and let me tell you: this is the sixth last time I go there. A group of friends go every year to watch March Madness. Let me tell you: sitting in a dark room for 12 hours a day and staring at a big screen TV is a sure symptom of madness. What kind? I don't know. The kind that locked Phil Specter up in his home until he decided to draw blood, maybe.
The trip started off in Sea Tac where I was able to pound a couple of beers and sneak in and out to the smoking section on a substantial stomach of Xanax. I don't like to fly, so when I do I prepare myself by stupifying myself into a near death coma to prepare for any crash that awaits me. If you're that stoned on pills and alcohol, death comes like a passing fart on a ski slope.
Security gave me no trouble, seeing as I was one in a million passerbys to the airport in a state of sheep-like obedience to a system of checks and double checks that has rendered each airporter as raped as an identity on Facebook. Which I swear to delete by the end of the day. I only used it to make sure Grandpa Bobby was still alive by checking if he liked my sister Toni's adorable pictures of her dog that day. Bobby finally kicked the bucket a few weeks ago and as I called 911 I was made to explain that something was wrong when Toni posted her new dog in a sweatshirt and Bobby didn't LIKE it. Checking back through his history I had found he LIKED a couple of ads for emergency heart defibrillators and an assortment of religions. Seems when Bobby did kick, he was Muslim.
Assalamualaikum, Old Friend.
From there it was First Class to Las Vegas. For 65 dollars a year, I get to purchase miles that pay for most of this. Other than that, my only excuse is that I understand money like Donald Trump: if I run out I'll just borrow some more from a crooked Eastern European. I work with one. He's financed my house like six times. The 2020s are going to be the decade of the loan. You'll state your income in reference to what you owe. Currently, I make about 100 thousand in debt.
The garbage man at work has stopped taking out my trash. I suspect he's striking. He's found out that I've been living off loans while he is trapped in the morals of paying his debt off every month and living like a pauper. I need to reach out - but how? I suspect I'll just leave a credit card application in the garbage and see if he takes the bait. "You'll like me now." And then we can go get trashed on the Bank of America's money. Hell, with this kind of lifestyle and Bobby dead, who's going to pick up the tab?
On the plane I managed to listen to the first five songs off Nine Inch Nails Deviations about six times as they were the only ones that cached. Beyond trying to hook up to their wifi on the plane and turning my phone on an off I couldn't get the music to keep playing. Meanwhile, my use of electronics sent up an arc of light from the plane that could be seen from the Space Station where Chris Cassidy was selling a 400000 home in Issaquah to Pavel Vinogradov for 2 million dollars. And, no, no one has picked up the trash at the space station in quite a few weeks.
Point is: the financially moral are coming down hard on us. There will be a revolution and it will involve a million inconveniences that people duct taped to Netflix will not be able to abide.
Plane lands. I'm told by others that the flight in was bumpy, but I didn't feel it as I had successfully peed a cushion into the diaper I wear on domestic flights (garbage bag for foreign).
Outside I begin smoking. I don't stop until Saturday night when I go to bed in my own home. Right now my lungs are two bags of refuse from a fireplace and when I breathe dogs come running.
I taxi to the New York, New York. It's a hotel that's made to look like New York during what I imagine to be the Great Depression, as everyone on hand is broke as all hell. If you ever rationally think about what Las Vegas is, you'll be so shocked that anyone even goes near there that you'll swear hell does exist on Earth and like most sins, people just go running to it. Lining up to pour money you don't have down a long chute while getting as intoxicated as possible must be like watching Jeff Sessions hold onto his job by the skin of his pucker.
As you move through Vegas there's an underlying smell of feces everywhere. It's in the casinos, the restaurants, and even the rooms. And it's not just the diaper you wore on the plane and it's not a metaphor for corruption, it's an actual smell like the giant trap on the toilet that is Las Vegas every once in awhile goes empty and you smell the seething vomit and anal mucus that makes up the economy there.
My first stop was the Beer Haus. Well, no. My first stop was to smoke at a Walking Dead slot machine and kill 200 dollars. Fuck zombies, I want dead credit lines. I played this game, and it does exist, because I won a grand on it the year before. That's the kindov logic out the window muck of your brain that occurs when you're drunk in a warehouse full of video games. It doesn't stop at Walking Dead though, there's a Simpsons game, Wonder Woman, Game of Thrones, Teletubbies...I made the last one up, but if there isn't a Teletubbies game by 2020 I'll be horse's dead Grampa Bobby.
The Beer Haus was pretty cool. There were taps along the walls like ivy. I did the Modelo test: if you go into a fancy "beer bar" and they don't have Modelo, then they probably don't have that great of a selection. It's inverse to what you would think in a regular sports bar: if they have mainstream beer, they probably have everything once the cost of a pint is above ten bucks.
I met some friends, chatted, then went out and gambled. Immediately, I won 900 dollars with 25 dollars on 13. Immediately I lost it with 900 dollars on 13. This went on all night, except the winning part. By midnight I had a Corona and a failed Manhattan (no one in Vegas knows how to make a Manhattan for some reason - more on this later) that was essentially a Makers and Coke. I went back to my room, ordered an omelette and another Corona I wouldn't drink and slept on piles and piles of debt.
submitted by levilarrington to freeforallwriting [link] [comments]

[All] /r/twinpeaks, I need your help finding The Return locations

I gathered all the info on S3 locations out in the web here in this map, while also trying to identify specific rooms and spots when possible. I wanna thank @underthefan113 who tracked down a lot of the most relevant locations, and that publishes it all on this blog. Also Ashok from for some of the pics here.
There are a lot of places yet to be found though, and since /twinpeaks is the biggest Twin Peaks online community, let's crowdsource this shit. I'll add any clues and guesses here in the thread, but we'll need visual confirmation (through comparing images) or the word of somone who saw it in person in order to add it on the map. Here are some tips and ways to search:

To be found in LA Area

Part 1. Buella’s, Ruth Davenport’s apartment and building, Log Lady’s house interior (I think Sabrina Sutherland said something about it?), Buckhorn Police Department offices, NY glass box (studio or warehouse?)
Part 2. Duncan Todd’s office, Hastings residence interior (same as exterior?), the garage storage where C kills Jack, Roadhouse interior (supposedly a location in Pasadena)
Part 3. Dougie/Jade house interior (same as exterior?), 119 house interior (same as exterior?), FBI reunion room, FBI Gordon’s office
Part 4. Denise's office, Yankton prison (exterior, patio, meeting room, prison cells)
Part 5. Buckhorn morgue, Lorraine's office, Lucky 7 insurance interior (maybe studio?), Casino’s control room, Colonel’s office
Part 6. TP Sheriff Station bathrooms (maybe studio?).
Part 7. Diane’s apartment, Warden Murphy’s office, Beverly’s home (int and ext).
Part 8. Spot where Ray shoots C, Nevada gas station, Nevada road where Woodsmen attack, Girl’s home (int and ext).
Part 9. Farm (with Hutch and Chantal), Las Vegas Police Station interior
Part 10. Doctor office (ripped Cooper scene)
Part 12. Warden Murphy’s home
Part 13. Crime syndicate ("kindergarden"), Las Vegas police back alley (Anthony orders poison)
Part 14. FBI LA offices (Headley and Wilson), Great Northern’s back place (where Freddie's story is told), Great Nothern’s furnaces

To be found in Washington

Dr. Jacoby’s trailer (supposedly North Fork Enterprises-Littlejohn?)
New Glastonburry Grove (or is it the same?)
Richard/Red meeting (supposedly in a warehouse on Broadway, south of Everett Avenue)
Clearence where Richard stops truck to clean blood (supposedly North Fork Enterprises-Littlejohn?)
Place where Andy talks with bearded man
Road where Andy waits bearded man
Sylvia Horne house
Betty Briggs house
Miriam’s trailer
Kids playing ball where a hurt Miriam appears (alledgedly here)
Log Lady’s cabin exterior (same as the OG's, never been located)
Rock where Richard dies (maybe not WA?)
Precise geographic location of: Jack Rabbit's Palace, White Lodge entrance, spot where Cyril Pons finds Steven, and Carl's red bench

Possible, unnassigned locations

These are places the Twin Peaks crew thanked or that were said to be locations by third parties.
In Washington
Fire Training Academy
Transmissions Plus
Cascade Covenant Church
Snoqualmie Ridge Neighborhood
Snoqualmie Valley Antiques
The Valley Theater
Eagle Nest community
Colonial Square Apartments (maybe Betty Briggs home?)
Georgia Bakery, Pioneer Coffee, Euro Lounge Café, Mt Si Art Supply, Scott’s Dairy Freeze
TPC Snoqualmie Ridge
Spring Glen
Department of Natural Resources
Bybee Farms (Jerry's meanderings? Miriam’s trailer?)
Farmhouse Market
Si View Parks Department
Snoqualmie Valley Aliance
Rockwood Farm
Issaquah, near the Issaquah Cannabis Company (alledgedly)
North Fork Enterprises-Littlejohn
In LA area
Slauson Ave. around Inglewood Oil Field
Langham Apartments
LA City Hall interior
Roosevelt apartment building on 7th st. near City Hall
LA Times

Shot on studio:

Above the convenience store, KPJK radio station (part 8), Red Room (obviously), Sheriff Truman’s office, TP Sheriff Station cells, Ben Horne’s office, Jeffries’ room (which is also the Purple Place's interior), Buckhorn hotel rooms.
submitted by frahm9 to twinpeaks [link] [comments]

Any advice on best drive to Issaquah?

Throw away to keep anonymous. I am from north Washington (Everett/Edmonds area). And next week Saturday, I have business to attend to in Issaquah. To be a bit cautious, I wont say the exact location. but looking at the map, my destination is close to the Snoqualmie Casino.
My issue is that I don't have the best eyesight. So any destination I go to, I need to heavily research. But this would be my first time going anywhere that far southeast.
So I was wondering if anyone can give me some good directions that will make my drive there easy. Basically a good easy route, info on traffic, how early i should probably leave, tips on tricky roads to avoid, any difficult roads that I will encounter, etc.
Thank you in advance.
submitted by SeattleQ to Issaquah [link] [comments]

Summer on the east side?

For work purposes I will be spending my summer (3 months) in Issaquah! I am from Texas and have never been to the northwest, so it is completely foreign. I have a rental car already, and a place to stay. I hope I can easily find coworkers to help show me around. What are some good places to go to? What is the nightlife like? I saw some casinos in the area, which ones are the best? What about concerts? Any advice on where to go for day trips on my weekends? What touristy places should I visit in Seattle?
Also, are there any laws I should know about? Example: it's illegal to talk on the phone while driving where I am. Any cultural things I should know?
Thanks in advance reddit!
Edit: Does it really rain daily?? Should I just wear rain boots and carry an umbrella everywhere?
submitted by Shellylauer to eastside [link] [comments]

Eclipse Weekend MegaThread #1: Metro Event Happenings (150 sq mi radius!) Friday and Saturday August 18 - 19

For Eclipse Weekend, we're expanding the list of Metro Events to include anything within about 150 miles of Portland Metro's epicenter.

Friday August 18, 2017

Saturday, August 19 2017

submitted by shawnee_ to PortlandMetro [link] [comments]

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Pawn Stars: Signed First Edition of The Wonderful Wizard ...

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